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Trial and Error: My Bipolar Disorder Medication

The very first time I met with a psychiatrist. I was nervous I imagined her putting me into that deep sleep therapy and asking me questions while I laid on a comfy long sofa, right. But it was nothing like that. I was asked a series of questions. My mind faded away while the psychiatrist talked. I was looking at the painting she had in her office. The only lonely piece of art. All I could think is I wish I could bring her a plant and a painting for her office. And then suddenly I broke down crying. That was it. This was real. I am bipolar and will depend on medication for the rest of my life.


Besides the only time that I was put on antidepressants (SSRI) for depression and anxiety was about three years ago and I might have just taken about two months or less worth of them and I stopped. I wasn't very fond of taking medication until now that the best option for me is to take medication for this new diagnoses


Like I mentioned before. I wasn't very fond of having to take medication.

The very first medication I was prescribed was lamotrigine. The tiniest pills I have ever seen. And night medication "sleeping pill". The psychiatrist asked me about the "little black box" about taking lamotrigine. I nodded and was confused. She mentioned it was rare to happen if someone takes lamotrigine and get a rash, a deadly rash. I was concerned but still decided to keep forward with the treatment. After a month I started getting a rash. I noticed each day my skin was getting worse. I was doomed. I thought I got that deadly rash due to lamotrigine. I was hesitant to go to the ER or call my psychiatrist. As the instructions in my prescription information were to go to the nearest ER if a rash appeared. I called about three days after. How foolish of me right? I was told to stop taking medication and about three days the rash went away. Now I had to wait a couple of weeks to see the psychiatrist and get a new prescription. That was hell, felt like I were a drug addict and my withdrawals were getting out of control.


During those weeks without medication, I was having withdrawals. Yes! I couldn't believe it. I had never experienced anxiety and nervousness. I knew I needed help each day for about two weeks now I am on a new medication and it has been a bittersweet ride because I don't get depressed as much but my anxiety had been higher than ever. I am very excited about what my psychiatrist thinks I should do about the anxiety due to the medications.


Overall now I don't see medication so bad as I used to. Unfortunately, I have to depend on these little happy pills so I don't crash down into a mess. And so far it's okay to take medication. I have accepted it and I am improving. Hopefully, this trial will be my last one for an ideal improvement in the long run. I will keep you updated on the next trial of happy pill combinations I will be on.


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